Holy Guacamole! – Easy Appetizer Or Snack


Holy Guacamole

I decided to put my finger on a hot burner this afternoon because I thought it was off.  It was not.  I had put the wrong burner on (as I often do with the stove top in our new place – poor markings and I think the dials are opposite our old stove top.)  It was hot enough to leave parts of my fingerprint seared into the burner. A good reminder the not to do that again, as if I needed one.  I am typing with a large band-aid over the top of my finger because I am an asshole.  Just saying.  I also managed to melt part of a plastic bag into the same burner the night previous for exactly the same reason.  I turned the wrong burner on.  That took several minutes of stepped heating and scraping and keeping the hood on to burn/melt/smoke most of it off.  Holy Guacamole

It has nothing at all whatsoever to do with guacamole.  It does give you an idea what a genius this writer is, however.  I am adept at screwing most things up, so guacamole is a pretty good thing to write about tonight, because it’s so easy you almost can’t screw it up.  It nearly self assembles.  Guacamole was another food I decided early on in life that I didn’t like.  See above about being an asshole.  When I decided I should start trying food like an adult I realized that it was really good.  What a fool.  I now take every opportunity to try different guacamole recipes when I’m out and when I’m at home I play around with the ingredients quite a bit.  I’ve found that I even though I like onion, a little onion can go a long way in guacamole.  A little more can be far too much, so delicate and mild is avocado’s flavor that it can be easily overpowered.  Raw onion, while something I find just delightful, goes over in my house like the proverbial lead zeppelin.  Boyfriend is not amused.  For those reasons I have to go easy.  Ditto tomato….and garlic.

I have developed what I think is a mighty tasty guacamole which takes very little time to put together and is still quite a tasty appetizer.  It keeps everyone happy and is what works for us.  It’s a recipe that’s so easy I don’t use a recipe, I just do the same thing every time and it always works, always makes newcomers say wow, and always keeps peace in our own household.  We use it with chips, put it on our quesadillas, and use it even with eggs.  Yum.Holy Guacamole

Avocados are a funny thing.  If you’ve decided you’re going to make some guac at this very instant, you want fairly soft avocados.  If, on the other hand, you’re shopping a few days in advance, firmer ones probably are the better bet, they’ll ripen fairly quickly once you get them home.  Give them a good inspection at the store.  There’s nothing worse than having to mash a hard avocado.  Make sure you get Haas Avocados.  I have used other kinds and it tastes like nothing.  I mean really nothing at all.  Haas avocados are the kind that every self-respecting guacamole maker uses.  Anything else is just wasting your time and money.  So don’t do it.  Take it from someone who’s already been down that road.

This recipe is probably good for two people to have a nice little snack with chips or to go with some quesadillas.  You’ll want to double it if you’ve got guests, kids, or you’re really hungry, that much is for certainHoly Guacamole

Cut the avocados in half.  There’s a really hard wooden looking thing in the middle which is the pit.  You’ll not want or probably be able to cut through it so you’ll have to rotate the avocado around to get it separated properly.  Use a spoon or a fork to pick that hard pit out of the middle and dump it into the trash.  I use a spoon to dig the “meat” of the avocado away from the skin.  If it’s properly ripe this should be a really easy affair.  Place all four halves into a bowl.

Again, guacamole is really a balancing act.  You’ll want the other ingredients there, you just don’t want them to overpower the avocado.  You’ll want either lemon or lime juice to dump on top of the avocado.  Aside from adding some citrus to the party it will also keep the guacamole from turning a really ugly brown in short order.  Avocado loves to oxidize.  I use about a tablespoon and half to two tablespoons.Holy Guacamole

Dice one small to medium-sized tomato, a clove of garlic, and maybe 1/2 of a small onion and toss them into the bowl.  Go easy with the onion, it’s very easy to end up with just an overpowering taste of onion and nothing else.  That won’t make anyone happy.  Season to taste, you’ll definitely want some salt, maybe about a teaspoon or so.  Pepper is more of a preference but I use about equal parts to salt.  If you want more heat or spice in your guacamole feel free to add some hot sauce like Frank’s Red Hot or Tabasco.  Four dashes is probably a good start.   I generally only add one or two if any at all.  Alternatively you could add a bit of Jalapeño or Serrano peppers finely diced up.  For me it really depends who’s eating it.Holy Guacamole

I use my potato masher to mix everything up.  You can use a two forks or one fork, a knife, really whatever will get the job done.  I like my guacamole to be well mashed up.  Some people like it chunky, or just cut up, or really really smooth.  I fall in the middle somewhere.  I like it fairly mashed but some chunks don’t offend me.  Do what you like, this being a relatively free country and all.  You could also add some cilantro if you’d like.  I don’t like.  I think cilantro is like adding liquid soap to any dish.  It is a vile and contemptuous plant which should be treated like the nasty cuisine ruining weed that it is.  Just my view though.

Once it’s well mixed you are ready to eat.  You can toss it into the fridge for an hour or so if you’ve the time.  That lets all the flavors meld and work themselves together. I often don’t have the patience or the time or any other excuse.  I am hungry.  I got me some chips – outta my way!  You may also wish to make a second batch if you don’t enjoy sharing.Holy Guacamole

For enough guacamole for two people you’ll need the following:

  • 2 Haas Avocados
  • 1/2 Small to Medium Onion – Diced Finely
  • 1 Clove of Garlic – Minced
  • 1 Small Tomato – Diced Finely
  • 1 Teaspoon of Salt (To Taste)
  • 1 Teaspoon of Pepper (Optional)
  • 4 Dashes of Hot Sauce (Optional)
  • 1 to 2 Tablespoons of Lemon or Lime Juice
  • Love


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