“First thing we do, is kill all the lawyers.”
Dick the butcher uttered that line in “Henry the VI.” Unfortunately it’s a very misinterpreted line. In this play, killing all the lawyers was uttered by someone who was looking to overthrow the government. Lawyers were there to uphold the law, and they needed to get them out of the way. Too bad. It’s a great line.
A proven majority of lawyers actually aren’t people at all. Some are. A good many aren’t. I know a few personally. One (my very soul gets angry when I think about him) is someone most people wouldn’t stop to pee on, were he on fire. That’s not hyperbole. Quite literally, I envisage most people walking to the corner store for a can of gasoline to speed things along. So why all the lawyer hatred?
The manufacturers of Nutella, Ferrero, have agreed to a $3 million settlement in a new class action lawsuit that alleges you too, may have been confused about the purported health benefits of Nutella. Really?? The suit, filed by California mom Athena Hohenberg, invites others who feel wronged to join in.
Apparently Ms. Hohenberg was under the impression it was a health food. You know, despite the nutrition label that’s right on the package. I’ve been eating Nutella most of my life. I’ve only been really reading labels for the past ten or so years. I never, ever, thought it was a health food. When I was eight, I’d worked out for myself that it wasn’t a stick of celery or a slice of apple.
Court documents say that Hohenberg decided to take legal action when she realized the Nutella she’d been feeding her four-year-old daughter was “the next best thing to a candy bar.” Good for you, Athena. I for one, am glad that personal responsibility plays no part in our lives anymore. She’d been feeding it to her kids daily until her friend pointed out the nutrition label. Rather than be a parent; taking responsibility for knowing what she’s feeding her children, she decided to sue.
$2.5 million will be divided among claimants. It comes to a payment of about $4 a jar for up to five jars, or less as more people hop on the Nutella-Hate bandwagon. If you, like Ms. Hohenberg, feel as though you’ve been wronged because you’re unable or unwilling to read the nutritional information that is clearly printed on the package….you too, can turn in your card for the human race. Apply right here.
In addition to the three million cash, Ferrero must now change Nutella’s labeling and some marketing statements. It’ll also have to scrub television ads and their website clean of any misleading health claims. Watch this video below and become irate when you realize that not one false claim is made in the commercial. They use the same phrasing I’ve heard for decades in commercials for every box of sugary cereal. Sure they don’t tell you it’s full of sugar. Why would they? I’m assuming it’s because they figured, wrongly, people could take responsibility for living their own lives and making their own educated decisions. One might also point ours is same country that recently decided pizza sauce was a serving of vegetables for our school lunch programs.
Check out the Nutella commercial below. If you’d like to send the folks who make Nutella a nice message of support – you can do so right here. Let them know we sent you.