Quest For a Perfect Wine Biscuit – Part One (Or Giant Purple Dinosaur Turds)

Quest for the Perfect Wine Biscuit Part OneFAIL!!!  I said it wouldn’t be long before I got a failure up on here.  I wasn’t wrong.  I have a bag of wine biscuits from home, they’re quite good.  Nothing quite matches up to the ones I used to eat while I was growing up.  That bakery passed on to new hands.  I’ve now found out they don’t even make those wine biscuits anymore.  Bastards.  They were hard biscuits, really really tasty, and weren’t really red, now that I’ve thought about it a bit.  Wish I’d done that thinking before I set out to make this first batch of biscuits.

If I’m being honest, I didn’t do my regular regimen of researching and researching.  I’m getting sick.  Thanks other half.  I’m not particularly agreeable when I’m sick.  Attila the Hun wasn’t a good neighbor the same way I’m not agreeable when I’m sick.  Being sick also makes me impatient and like a small child.  Petulant.  Cranky.  Unpleasant to be around at times.  Admitting it is little solace for those around me I’m sure – at least you can’t fault me for being honest.  Good time to try to reinvent a recipe I don’t know then.  These little purple dinosaur turds I turned out are not what I was looking for.  Not even close.  Like biblical proportions not close.  Glad I made a full recipe then.  Too sweet, too purple, too cakey.  At least the other half likes them (that’s not saying much – he’s the one that got me sick and he can’t taste a damn thing right now.)  I was hoping they’d magically become less red and more….not what I made, when they came out of the oven.  No such luck then.

Quest for the Perfect Wine Biscuit Part OneThis picture above is where I should have called the whole thing.  Already not even the right color.  But I pushed on.  Hope springs eternal I guess.  Wrong choice.

I’m imagining that my Holy Grail biscuits were made with white wine – because – you know – they weren’t red, and they were hard biscuits.  I know how to make hard biscuits.  Why didn’t I do that?  A question I’m repeatedly asking myself at this very moment.  Oh well.  I’m not giving you the recipe for these, they are sad-looking – as I said – like little purpley-grey dinosaur turds.  Damnit!  I will revisit these at some point.  Not these, but the attempt to make those wine biscuits from my youth.  Perhaps when I’m feeling better.  Perhaps sooner.  Stay tuned for part two when I actually do proper research, don’t rush into it, and hopefully get a whole hell of a lot closer than this sad attempt.  Oh and I won’t be making a full gigantic recipe, because that’s what you do when you’re not sure.  Not thinking or planning sucks.

Stay tuned….

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