Top Chef Texas – It’s Pee Wee Time!! – Bike, Borrow, & Steal

Top Chef Texas - It's Pee Wee Time!! - Bike, Borrow, & StealPee Wee Herman is on Top Chef tonight.  How exciting is that?

The Chef’s arrive in kitchen to a wall of pancakes.  Pee Wee Herman comes rolling out on a bike.  I can’t tell you how excited I am to see Pee Wee judge food.  This is ridiculous.  I was a big fan of Pee Wee’s playhouse.  And Captain Carl.  Poor Captain Carl.

They have 20 minutes to make pancakes, Pee Wee wants pancakes full of stuff.  Everyone seems to have Pee Wee’s Playhouse memories.  Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho.

Top Chef Texas - It's Pee Wee Time!! - Bike, Borrow, & StealAfter some frenzied cooking, Pee Wee gets to tasting.  Many wacky faces ensue and he seems to be telling everyone it’s the best pancake he’s ever had.  Despite the fact that he’s Old Pee Wee now everyone seems to be giggling and laughing.  Ed  wins the competition – his first Quickfire, and gets $5000.

For the Elimination Challenge the gang heads back to the Alamo, just like Pee Wee!  There’s no basement in the Alamo.  The chefs all get bikes, a map to the Alamo, $100, and they need to find their own kitchen to make a family style lunch for Pee Wee and friends at the Alamo.  Come again?  They get ten minutes to ask Pee Wee what kind of food he likes and the answer seems to be whatever.  What a goofy episode.  I can’t explain to you how unnerved and unhappy other half is about Pee Wee.  I guess you had to grow up with him.  Just tell ‘em Large Marge sent ya!

Top Chef Texas - It's Pee Wee Time!! - Bike, Borrow, & StealAs a group they’re all starting at the Farmer’s Market and then splitting off from there.  They all have little license plates on the back on their respective bikes with their names on it.  How cute.  For an elimination challenge this is quite strange.  I’m sure the kitchens they are using are pre-prepared.  They have stocked kitchens, no one minds giving them produce….it’s hard to imagine someone rolling into a restaurant and requesting items.  It’s all very awkward.  Very awkward.

Grayson is in a Mexican joint, Ed is in a B&B (essentially just in someone’s home kitchen), Paul is at a funky little place (La Frite Belgian Bistro) with some nice chefs, and Lindsey and Sarah are fighting for the same kitchen.  Ouch.  Lindsey was there first and then left to go find more ingredients, only to find Sarah there when she got back.  Oops.  Lindsey heads back out and ends up at a hot dog stand.  Not ideal but I’m sure she can make it work.  Frank’s Hog Stand.  Nice!

Top Chef Texas - It's Pee Wee Time!! - Bike, Borrow, & StealEach of the restaurants seems to be very into their task as a surrogate kitchen.  Ed is even making eggs for the B&B’s guests – so small is the kitchen.  All of the restaurants seem to be helping out everyone quite a bit, both with produce and sous chef duty.  Each chef is getting a bill when they leave, which seems fair.  Hopefully no one goes over.

Once at the Alamo, the chefs only get 15 minutes to heat and plate.  Rolling up to the Alamo on a bike and heading on in must be a strange experience.  Who knew the Alamo had a kitchen?  Chefs convene in a small space and the judges sit down with Pee Wee at a small table.

From 29 chefs at the Alamo down to the last five.  This is an odd way to get to the last four, for sure.  I’m sure the cheftestants feel the same way.  All the dishes go out family style at the same time.  Lunch with Pee Wee must be very strange.  Very strange.

Top Chef Texas - It's Pee Wee Time!! - Bike, Borrow, & StealSarah’s dish goes over well, lacking salt and seasoning.  Lindsey was a bit heavy on the cheese apparently.  Ed’s dish seems to go over well except for some odd texture on the chicken.  Grayson’s dish goes over fairly well, although Pee Wee has issues with runny eggs.  Paul, despite the thought that he was ruining his own dish, seemed to have the most popular dish.  Padma is clearly very amused with Pee Wee.  Tom, not so much.

I cannot explain to you how annoyed my other half is with my Pee Wee laugh.  Oh so unhappy.  While the chefs are in the stew room, Padma (who changed outfits) calls everyone in to the judges panel.  Everyone seems to have done a good job, so it’s down to nit-picking to send someone home.  Pee Wee gets to announce the winner – and it’s Lindsey.  She’s clearly a bit shocked.  Paul is safe.  So it’s between Ed, Sarah, and Grayson for who’s getting the boot.

Sarah lacked seasoning, a critical thing.  Ed had a weird, borderline undercooked chicken.  Grayson had a giant serving of chicken, and had some stumbling on pairing veggies.  It’s a toss up.  Unexpectedly it’s Grayson who’s getting the boot.  Poor Pee Wee looks crushed.  Grayson is really going out smiling and upbeat – I like her a whole lot and will miss her in the kitchen.

They all get called back into the kitchen and are informed about Last Chance Kitchen.  Whoever wins tonight is coming back into the competition.  So let’s get to it.

So……Fuck you Bravo!  I’ve said it.  Let me explain.  It’s Bev against Grayson.  Just cook a dish that will get you back into the competition.  Bev makes a snapper dish, Grayson cooks scallops.  No problem there.  Tom tastes both dishes, gives a tidy little speech about drive and desire and that one dish exhibited a bit more of that ambition.  So who’s it gonna be?  Oh you’ll have to tune in next week to Top Chef to find out.  I needed to sit through another F*@!#$-ing Prius advert to get no payoff.  Bastards.

It May Not Be Pee Wee but it’s still damn funny…

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